plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
