My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize