My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
being pregnant is like rehab
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
