soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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