Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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