Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
