She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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