Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
