During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
