when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
