It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
