I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
