im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
