I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
