Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
