My cat gives me a boner
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
