Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
