Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
