In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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