The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
