i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
