Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
