i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
