Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
