I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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