so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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