He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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