This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
