i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I love you.
Bad choice
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