I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
