Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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