ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
