i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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