All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
