martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
