That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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