dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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