cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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