No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
