My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
