At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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