please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
