just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
