If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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