I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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