kristin has been a bad kristin
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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