you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
