my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
