lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm both gender and math confused
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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