So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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