lets start a swedish sibling band together
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk is not a location!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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