Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
