You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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