Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My penis needs a shock collar
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
