I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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