Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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