Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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