i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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