To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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