so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
