Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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