After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
