So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
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Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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