Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
