dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
