i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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