Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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