I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize