Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Randomize
