just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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