Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have post one night stand depression
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