my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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