i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
