your thong is hanging out like whoa
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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