My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
