Sry I called you an 8
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
