There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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