New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
