I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
