I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sorry my hands just texted you
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
