your parents love me but you hate me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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