I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
