I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
