i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
