Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
