then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
