Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
