Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
